He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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