Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
