My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
