when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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