God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
