Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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