I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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