If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
