You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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