I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
