I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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