thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
