My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
