Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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