i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Randomize
