Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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