He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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