I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
