even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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