Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
