how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
