Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
