i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
