dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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