I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
