is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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