So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
