the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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