But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
