Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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