If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
