I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Randomize
