I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
