My room smells like vodka and shame
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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