What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
