Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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