That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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