Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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