she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
