Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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