New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
