He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So squirting runs in the family.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
