I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So squirting runs in the family.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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