Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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