just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
