I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
