I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
