Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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