i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
