So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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