it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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