i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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