Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
