I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
