just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
