You're my little dorito
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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