Hey man sorry I got all grabby
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
