i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
