When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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