Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
