You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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