i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you told grandpa to call you daddy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
