I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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