There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
