On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
