his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
