Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
